A fool.
I was a complete fool.
Know why?
Because I thought wrong when I thought you loved me too. Despite what we have been through for only a year, obstacles and walls never fail to make their entourage into our lives.
We liked being with each other. When you saw me sitting alone while my friends were away, you sat beside me and we chatted. My mouth was always zipped and it never gave out any word. It only does when I'm with my friends. But with others, I am as silent as a rock. In my dark world, I thought you were the light joining my friends. You talked to me, despite the rumors of me being a tiger-like girl.
Your smile always intoxicated me to smile as well. My face was always frowning, eyes always cast down on the floor as I walk wordlessly everytime.
But your shining, dark eyes were filled the mischief which brought me joy while we were together. You said your name with funny pride, grinning from ear-to-ear. You asked mine in return.
I hesitated at first. But when I saw that goofy curve on your lips, I couldn't help but smile as well.
The moment my name slipped out of my lips, you held out your hand. You reluctantly reach out and we shook our hands, this simple interaction enough to send a wave of heat through my arm.
"Nice to meet you!" you had laughed suddenly, that I had been caught off-guard. We retrieve our hands and you started to talk to me ever since. And each time, you were smiling. I noted how cute and innocent you looked with your dimples showing. Your cheeks were always chubby and whenever I pulled them, you just got slightly annoyed and gave me payback.
My friends had warned me about your sickening attitude. They completely said bad things; like how you are so insensitive to girls, how you fight with them just for fun, and that in the end, you'd choose another girl over me. At first, I thought they were just lying to get me not to talk to you anymore. But, even though my friends gave me the earliest warning, we kept hanging out.
I remembered how I stroked your hair whenever you cradled your face in your arms while no one is there. You looked like an angel, a mischievous angel. You kept smiling at me while your eyelids closed for a minute or two. I kept stroking your hair until someone comes in and populate the room.
"Hey," once, you called me when I didn't do those usual strokes. I was dazed, staring out in to space as I let silence and thought occupy me. You repeated yourself, and that's the time when I snapped out of it.
"What is it? You look like you're thinking." you had said bluntly. Though behind that bluntness, I knew how worried and irritated you are now.
I shake my head. "No, sorry. Just thinking how I'm going to say something to someone."
"Oh? Who?"
"No one in particular" I had giggled. My hand moved to its own accord as it does my usual treatment to you while you take a short rest. Though I want you to forget what happened, I could feel how you felt uneasy.
After that, my friends had started scolding me. You weren't around at that time, but I wasn't fragile to not handle them.
"If I were you, I'd stop hanging out with him."
"He's bad influence!"
"I heard he likes watching nude videos!"
"What if he takes you somewhere and then does things to you! We don't want that!"
"Guys," I had tried to stop them. I really hoped they were just made-up rumors.
"If you continue talking to him, you'll end up crying later." one of my friends sincerely said to me. She had already witnessed how he can easily replace someone for somebody else. Apparently, we were both that 'someone'.
I never really understood how my very own friends kept giving such vivid warnings about our closeness. It was not bad neither was it good; our teasing sometimes goes to fighting, our joking sometimes gets real. I never realized it, but I only did when just one day, you started not to talk to me. And what's more?
I saw you with another girl, who seems to be the dumb blonde type, though she has black hair. Her face was not beautiful, I wouldn't rate it with pretty or cute either. Let's just say, she's quite lower than average itself. I am not saying this to bash her, or that I am jealous either. I'm telling the truth about the girl.
"See?" my friends pointed towards him. My eyes were trying so hard to stay blank and emotionless. But my willpower failed me when emotions became forefront in the moment.
I requested dry brown eyes. But what I gave myself were glazed brown eyes. Never did I felt this feeling so immensely towards a friends.
Is this what they call jealousy?
But how?
We're just close friends who care for each other. My heart never skips a beat around him, it just acted... normal. However, that word came pretty bad in my mouth.
"I told you, it was better to stay away earlier before it happened." that girl who had the same experience had said solemnly. I guess, it's better if I did. Because if I stayed away earlier before the catastrophe, I wouldn't be hurt. I wasn't so polite in times, and sometimes being impolite brings me disasters which I cannot handle. Incapable to withstand such emotional crap is my clear weakness. And this moment in my life have I thought,
"That bitch."
I wasn't one to call people such names. This moment, though, is a complete exception. I was considered a quiet and nice daughter who preferred books over games, documentaries over movies, and history over modern.
This moment was the exact time in my life when I started to mold myself to someone I didn't wish before.
I became rebellious. Disrespectful. Lazy. And impolite. My once clean mind was now clouded by dirtiness, influenced by the people I have been trying so hard to protect myself from. I had planned to become pure-minded ever since I started school. But I guess it's better this way.
This way, I had become considerably more attractive. I had more acquaintances, friends and buddies. I wasn't invisible anymore, in fact, I may be given more attention than I earn.
Maybe...
Maybe mistakes are really the roots of glory.
Because without this problem, I wouldn't be this bad girl today.