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3Nica3

MOVED: Pinky-Tie
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MOVED!

1 min read
Hey Guys!

I moved :iconpinky-tie:! I moved 'coz I want a fresh start again, so watch me if you want. I still have a lot of drafts to submit on that account. This account (3Nica3), however, will not be used to submit art anymore. I'll still use this for some things if necessary.
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WHY?

3 min read
I felt so abused all the time. Verbally. I never did anything to cause them. I just stayed silent all the time to prevent people from noticing me and throwing rock-hard stones of words at me.

Was there something wrong with me?

I know I'm not the greatest and responsive daughter, but saying that I'm not even a half of what she is is crossing the line. Especially when it came from my own mother.

Wait--I don't have a mother. I never experienced having one. I only experienced the woman who forced shame and embarrassment on me. Who doesn't even give any respect to the accomplishments I have done. The woman who didn't even give a helping hand whatsoever in my life but only arose the problems.

That word was so foreign in my mouth that it left the worst taste in it. I don't know what the fuck is her problem, but IDGAF as well.

The template others had about mothers doesn't sit well with this woman. She's almost the opposite of everything there is in that checklist. Many people said she is unique as a mother, but I disagree. She's unique in the worst way possible.

I wanted to be loved and cared for like the mother's I keep seeing everywhere; they love their daughters, they care for them, they even kiss them freely on the cheeks. While I... I was called a girl who has no right to say anything against her. I was called an idiot, despite the achievements I received almost each schoolyear. I was called worthless, worthless as a daughter. I was being treated with no visible respect at all. I was insulted so many times that I wasn't even sure how the fuck I survived these years without cutting myself.

And what really stabbed me, that woman called me a failure, a fucking piece of shit. I really wanted nothing but to slap her right on the face for saying that.

Why would you even give birth to me if you think I'm like those?! You should've let me die when you were in that ER, pushing like hell! I didn't want to spend the whole entity of my life being insulted by the person who doesn't even get her own flesh and blood!

I do not wish on being spoken badly by the woman who is so clueless of the shit her own child is going through! Who doesn't even know the wishes of her own daughter!

I wanted to just leave this damned hellhole and go to SG or to wherever my elder sister goes! Who cares if I she goes and rants about it?!

Just... :stfu:! I wasn't born to be entered into a world where expectations break little girls' dreams. I wasn't born to be perfect, I was born a perfectionist who has been secretly tortured behind her back! I was never the girl who wanted to be in the academic rankings! I was the girl who merely wanted to be free and have fun!

Bullshit if she says she doesn't love me. I don't love her more! And besides, from the beginning, I didn't even love her!

.
.
.

Ugh.. Just... Just...

Leave me alone for a while... ;-;
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Got tagged!

6 min read
Rules:

1.)Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post, and create new questions
2.) Answer the questions of the tagger, make your own questions and tag 10 people.

TAGGED BY: :icontanblaque:

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.

1. WHAT EYE COLOR DO YOU FIND THE COOLEST?

- For me, in reality I prefer light blue eyes (like Adam Levine's and such). But in the anime world, I LURVVEE red eyes!

2. IF YOU HAD THE CHANCE TO TALK TO HIMARUYA, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY?

- I'd probably be quite vulgar with my language... And since I have been hoping to see Phili on Hetalia, I'd say, "Himaruya-sensei, why u no add Phili in Hetalia?!"... I'm typical, neh?

3. HAD YOU READ ANY BLEEDMANS COMICS? IF SO, WHICH ONE IS YOUR FAVOURITE?

- Nah, never heard of 'em... And right now, I'm searching for them. :giggle:

4. IF TODAY WAS YOUR LAST DAY ON EARTH, HOW WOULD YOU SPEND IT AND WHY?

- Maybe, yell 'I LOVE HETALIA, BITCHES!'. Also, I'll tell my most hated teacher to :stfu:, then slap my enemies on the face, kill my arch nemesis with a fork :fork: (forgive me, God :please:), then confess to my crush :whisper: , kiss my crush so that even if I die today, I already had my first kiss and I stole his as well! haha... Why am I so weird?

5. WHAT IS YOUR DREAM?

- My dream is to go to England, Germany and Spain. Hmm... Well, make it the whole Europe. And I want to become a writer and a anesthesiologist in the future. I'm only 13 years old and truth be told, I don't think those are the tip of the iceberg. :) One last thing...

I WANNA SEE PHILIPPINES IN HETALIA!

6. HAD YOU EVER DONE SOMETHING SO HORRIBLE AND BLOODY WHEN YOU WERE A CHILD?

- I did. When it comes to the horrible part, I've done things no one had ever expected to see from a 4-5 year-old girl. The bloody part only happened maybe 5 times? I was 3 years old or maybe younger when I almost had an eye blind due to a Christmas tree. I was really bothersome to take care of and most probably the scariest, too. I had convulsions even when I only had headaches. When I feel not so good, I already have difficulty breathing.

7. HAD YOU EVER READ ANIMAL FARM? IF YES, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE STORY?

- I've recently started reading it, so it may take me some time to have an opinion on it... Sorry.

8. WHAT DO YOU SEE IN YOUR FIELD OF VISION RIGHT NOW?

- 3 gargantuan vases made of porcelain, 2 paintings made of capis (one painted while the other sculpted), a small golden dragon, some small porcelain urns, about 2 sets of sofas where I'm currently sitting on, 1 more painting of my parents when they were young, 2 photos of my sisters in their togas(?) and a sort of light resembling a chandelier. In short, I'm in our indoor sala, which is reserved for us only.

9. MOST HATED CHORE IN THE HOUSEHOLD CHORE LIST?

- Since we have kasambahays here who do the chores, I really am not sure what to answer. But if my mom asks to do a chore, I most certainly hate taking out the trash downstairs...

10. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF ASIA?

- I was born in Philippines, so in my eyes, I prefer Asia over anything despite some imperfections in it. Even though what I had answered in question number 5, I really don't think I can live without visiting Asia for a decade. It's like a home to me, and what Asian country I may be, I still feel home in it. It's just so refreshing to be here, because some other continents are way too crowdy and the stereotypical behaviors of every nationality just weirds me out. I do not say this to offend anyone from Europe or in America. Each person I become close with says that maybe other continents are better than where we live. But whoever says that just receives the same answer I always say,

"Nasan man ako, mas gusto kong nasa Pinas lang. Kahit ano mang mangyari, I'd choose Philippines over any country out there. Kasi dito ako ipinanganak at dito ako nasanay. Sa tingin ko, pumunta man ako sa ibang bansa tulad ng Espanya, Ingglatera o Amerika, di ko mararamdaman na nasisiyahan ako. So whatever may happen, I'll always come back for Philippines."


OKAY! DONE!! :XD:

QUESTION TIME!:

1. IF YOU ARE TO HAVE A CHANCE TO MEET AN ANIME CHARACTER, WHO IS IT? AND WHY?

2.  WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE OF ALL TIME?

3. EVER EXPERIENCED SEEING A GHOST OR ANYTHING SUPERNATURAL? IF SO, WHAT'D YOU SEE?

4. IF YOUR ENEMY CONFESSED HIS/HER LOVE TO YOU, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

5. YOU WERE IN A SPLIT SITUATION. YOUR BESTFRIEND IS DYING WHILE YOUR BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND IS SEEKING HELP IMMEDIATELY AFTER BEING HURT BADLY. WHO WOULD YOU GO TO? AND WHY?

6. KNOW ANYONE WHO'S BEEN ABUSED OR HARASSED IN ANY WAY? (I do.)

7. HOW WOULD YOU REACT IF YOUR FRIEND/RELATIVE HAS A SISTER/BROTHER COMPLEX?

8. MOST HATED CHARACTER?

9. DO YOU KNOW THE JACKUNZEL OR JACK/RAPUNZEL PAIRING? (My OTP)

10. HAVE YOU HAD A NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCE? IF SO, WHEN AND HOW?

So, these are my questions... Sorry if almost every question is long... I was really curious of how the people I'll tag will answer them. Plus, I'm very curious... 0.o

The people I tag are... :)

:iconmayumihatake: :icongoingskyward: :iconpirihonrocksxd: :iconainalycyclamen: :iconrukiza-chan06: :iconzelda95078:

Sorry, I only picked these deviants. I really wasn't thinking of adding more since I doubt they'll answer... //sulks in corner
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A fool.

I was a complete fool.

Know why?

Because I thought wrong when I thought you loved me too. Despite what we have been through for only a year, obstacles and walls never fail to make their entourage into our lives.

We liked being with each other. When you saw me sitting alone while my friends were away, you sat beside me and we chatted. My mouth was always zipped and it never gave out any word. It only does when I'm with my friends. But with others, I am as silent as a rock. In my dark world, I thought you were the light joining my friends. You talked to me, despite the rumors of me being a tiger-like girl.

Your smile always intoxicated me to smile as well. My face was always frowning, eyes always cast down on the floor as I walk wordlessly everytime.

But your shining, dark eyes were filled the mischief which brought me joy while we were together. You said your name with funny pride, grinning from ear-to-ear. You asked mine in return.

I hesitated at first. But when I saw that goofy curve on your lips, I couldn't help but smile as well.

The moment my name slipped out of my lips, you held out your hand. You reluctantly reach out and we shook our hands, this simple interaction enough to send a wave of heat through my arm.

"Nice to meet you!" you had laughed suddenly, that I had been caught off-guard. We retrieve our hands and you started to talk to me ever since. And each time, you were smiling. I noted how cute and innocent you looked with your dimples showing. Your cheeks were always chubby and whenever I pulled them, you just got slightly annoyed and gave me payback.

My friends had warned me about your sickening attitude. They completely said bad things; like how you are so insensitive to girls, how you fight with them just for fun, and that in the end, you'd choose another girl over me. At first, I thought they were just lying to get me not to talk to you anymore. But, even though my friends gave me the earliest warning, we kept hanging out.

I remembered how I stroked your hair whenever you cradled your face in your arms while no one is there. You looked like an angel, a mischievous angel. You kept smiling at me while your eyelids closed for a minute or two. I kept stroking your hair until someone comes in and populate the room.

"Hey," once, you called me when I didn't do those usual strokes. I was dazed, staring out in to space as I let silence and thought occupy me. You repeated yourself, and that's the time when I snapped out of it.

"What is it? You look like you're thinking." you had said bluntly. Though behind that bluntness, I knew how worried and irritated you are now.

I shake my head. "No, sorry. Just thinking how I'm going to say something to someone."

"Oh? Who?"

"No one in particular" I had giggled. My hand moved to its own accord as it does my usual treatment to you while you take a short rest. Though I want you to forget what happened, I could feel how you felt uneasy.

After that, my friends had started scolding me. You weren't around at that time, but I wasn't fragile to not handle them.

"If I were you, I'd stop hanging out with him."

"He's bad influence!"

"I heard he likes watching nude videos!"

"What if he takes you somewhere and then does things to you! We don't want that!"

"Guys," I had tried to stop them. I really hoped they were just made-up rumors.

"If you continue talking to him, you'll end up crying later." one of my friends sincerely said to me. She had already witnessed how he can easily replace someone for somebody else. Apparently, we were both that 'someone'.

I never really understood how my very own friends kept giving such vivid warnings about our closeness. It was not bad neither was it good; our teasing sometimes goes to fighting, our joking sometimes gets real. I never realized it, but I only did when just one day, you started not to talk to me. And what's more?

I saw you with another girl, who seems to be the dumb blonde type, though she has black hair. Her face was not beautiful, I wouldn't rate it with pretty or cute either. Let's just say, she's quite lower than average itself. I am not saying this to bash her, or that I am jealous either. I'm telling the truth about the girl.

"See?" my friends pointed towards him. My eyes were trying so hard to stay blank and emotionless. But my willpower failed me when emotions became forefront in the moment.

I requested dry brown eyes. But what I gave myself were glazed brown eyes. Never did I felt this feeling so immensely towards a friends.

Is this what they call jealousy?

But how?

We're just close friends who care for each other. My heart never skips a beat around him, it just acted... normal. However, that word came pretty bad in my mouth.

"I told you, it was better to stay away earlier before it happened." that girl who had the same experience had said solemnly. I guess, it's better if I did. Because if I stayed away earlier before the catastrophe, I wouldn't be hurt. I wasn't so polite in times, and sometimes being impolite brings me disasters which I cannot handle. Incapable to withstand such emotional crap is my clear weakness. And this moment in my life have I thought,

"That bitch."

I wasn't one to call people such names. This moment, though, is a complete exception. I was considered a quiet and nice daughter who preferred books over games, documentaries over movies, and history over modern.

This moment was the exact time in my life when I started to mold myself to someone I didn't wish before.

I became rebellious. Disrespectful. Lazy. And impolite. My once clean mind was now clouded by dirtiness, influenced by the people I have been trying so hard to protect myself from. I had planned to become pure-minded ever since I started school. But I guess it's better this way.

This way, I had become considerably more attractive. I had more acquaintances, friends and buddies. I wasn't invisible anymore, in fact, I may be given more attention than I earn.

Maybe...

Maybe mistakes are really the roots of glory.

Because without this problem, I wouldn't be this bad girl today.
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I.AM.GODDAMN.BACK.

Just got back from a hiatus for quite some time and I am ready to get writing! I got my sis' new laptop, she gave it to me and it is working PERFECTLY! So, meaning, I will be able to write more stories and fanfics for APH fans out there! And, I have so many drafts to continue and submit for y'all. Just wait for a while for me to finish a couple of them and we will have another pairing in my stories!

GUESS WHO!

There's also the fact that Philippines and Taiwan, including China, have a dispute between each other. I won't say I'm either angry or pissed over it but it's between the two.. Still, China is another problem for us, since I am a Filipina. Like what our president said, "What's ours is ours." and I couldn't agree more. I mean, I'm as possessive as can be over what's really mine. I'd do anything to retain my belongings. No one should say what we, the Filipinos, should ask permission for what is truly ours. It's clearly bullying our country because they know we are still growing and we are kinda still under the wing of USA, 'cause I don't wanna say that we are still dependent. Although, I have the urge to write a fanfic based on the issue but I think I won't until the tensions between the 3 countries dissolve. I don't wanna cause anything at the moment.

And I just got back from Singapore! We went there on May 30 and came back last night! I was supposed to write a journal last night but I got extremely tired and I still had jetlag. So, while I am resting right now, I am preparing for school. Our classes start next week, unlike the selected ones who started yesterday. I am so THANKFUL for that! I can't bear to wake up tomorrow early while I am still so tired!

So, while I am still available for now, I'll start on some of my drafts and submit them! Just seat back and wait!

That's it for now!

CIAO~
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Featured

MOVED! by 3Nica3, journal

WHY? by 3Nica3, journal

Got tagged! by 3Nica3, journal

Mistake equals glory by 3Nica3, journal

Finally back from hiatus + Singapore trip by 3Nica3, journal